Maybe next Christmas...

One advantage of having no job and a month-long break from school is all the uninterrupted hours of internet surfing. Between episodes of compulsively checking social networking sites and Yahoo! news 100 times a day (kidding, really), I find some great stuff.

I found this great site, Order of St Nick, that sells awesomely inappropriate holiday cards. OK so I don't find them inappropriate but you probably wouldn't send one of these cards to your tightly-wound Evangelical Christian relatives unless you enjoy watching homophobic religious types go off on a biblical tirade. Some people just don't get humor.

Categories of holiday cards include:

• Funny
• Atheist
• Evil
• Gay
• Great Depression
• Office Humor

I think I'm too late for Christmas 2008, but I'm willing to bet that the "Great Depression" cards will still be relevant (in a sad way) for Christmas 2009. Of course, will you be able to afford to buy cards and stamps for next year and will you have enough addresses to send these to due to foreclosures?

But I digress.

Another reliable source of inappropriate cards is Urban Outfitters, and if you live in the US right now you can stock up for next year at discount prices on cards like this one. And while you're browsing UO, don't forget to check out the Giant Inflatable Mushroom for only $19.99!

However, if you live in a country that more of less makes online shopping from international retailers impossible by imposing ridiculous import taxes (Iceland), then you can find free online cards at www.someecards.com. This is also a good option if you are cheap (oh sorry, "frugal") or you never seem to be able to send your cards out in a timely manner (hey that's me!).

I won't be getting many holiday cards in the mail this year probably because:

1. No one has time to go to the post office to buy airmail stamps for one friggin' card
2. Most of my friends are not of the typical card-sending types (i.e. middle-aged and/or with family) and are more prone to saying 'Merry Xmas' via Facebook or MySpace
3. I think I forgot to tell some people that I moved to Iceland. Oops.

There's always next year!

"What do you want to do?"

"WHAT do you want to do?" he asked me, voice slurred, in a manner more befitting for a trial lawyer.

"I honestly don't know", I replied, taking another long sip of my favorite Chilean cabernet sauvignon and wondering how we had entered the Twilight Zone of drunken conversations.

At every good Friday night party there's always one person who drinks a little too much and enjoys instigating provocative dialogues. The "devil's advocate" I guess you could say.

We decided to throw the impromptu wine-and-cheese party after my BF arrived home after work with a lovely holiday gift from his employer, a Reykjavík software and IT services firm. The gift, in the spirit of 'Áfram Ísland', was a colossal gift basket full of exquisite Icelandic cheeses, meats, spreads, and chocolate cake from a shop called 'Ostabúðin' (literally 'Cheese Shop' in Icelandic).

We managed to quickly round up five other lucky souls to share our bounty of deliciousness. One of the five invitees is known among the old circle of friends to give rousing speeches or otherwise interrogate guests with mildly uncomfortable questions when too much alcohol has been consumed. (It's too bad he's not a government reporter - we need people who will ask the hard questions of our elected officials.)

Anyway, I got to thinking about that question "what do you want to do?" and I'm still perplexed. What do I want to do today? Tomorrow? Next week? Two years from now?

Don't know, don't know, don't know, and don't know. I do know that I would like to have some sort of job, even though I know it would probably suck. Obviously, my employment prospects aren't so great in Iceland at the moment. I speak Icelandic like a toddler and I'm not a computer programmer. I may speak like a toddler, but I'm not terribly fond of them so that sort of rules of daycare work. I may be able to work at a restaurant or cafe, but then that would be breaking the promise I made to myself after college graduation that I would never, ever again subject myself to serving food to rude people for poverty-level wages. It worked for many years, but I may need to break that promise here. I would probably be considered 'lucky' to have such a thankless job at this point.

Of course that doesn't really answer the "what do I want to do" question. In times like these, it's not so much what you want to do, it's what you have to do.

The Irony of an Icelandic Christmas Tree

Q: What do you do when you get lost in an Icelandic forest?
A: Stand up.

Type "Iceland" into Google Images. In the first 20 results you'll see the Blue Lagoon dominate the array of images followed by waterfalls, geysirs, crunchy lava formations, glacial lagoons, beautiful snow-tipped mountains, Reykjavik's colorful tin houses, and one of Iceland's beauty pageant winners. What's a common pattern among these pictures? No trees.

The treeless, windswept, otherworldly expanses are part of Iceland's appeal for some. American astronauts in the 1960s trained in Iceland's isolated highland deserts in preparation for moon landings. It's probably too much to ask for giant evergreen forests when we already have glaciers, fjords, loads of mountain waterfalls and more sulfur-belching geothermal sites than you can count. Trees would only detract from Iceland's "see if you can survive here" harsh climate. How else would it attract insane survivalists like Bear Grylls from "Man vs. Wild"?



Besides, 66 North would probably have a harder time marketing it's brand of extreme-outdoors clothing if Iceland was covered with lofty, wind-shielding forests.

The fact is that trees just don't thrive in Iceland's climate. The topsoil is delicate, the winds often imitate hurricanes, and island's position near the arctic circle and it's lack of sunny days means the vegetation doesn't grow very quickly. I've heard it takes 50 years for a tree to grow here. Birch forests were common in Iceland when the country was first settled around 872 A.D. but the early Icelanders didn't really care about the long term ecological damages of deforestation because they were more concerned with bare survival. Today, however, some "green" groups like Iceland Carbon Fund are trying to reinstate some forests. They even have a Facebook group "Trees for Iceland".

I must admit that I miss trees. In my first visit to Iceland in the summer of 2005, I simply could not comprehend why so many Icelanders owned summer houses in the countryside -- little cabins in naked landscapes exposed to the cold, biting winds that persist even in summertime. In my mind, a summer house cannot be called such without the presence of trees. It's one cultural phenomenon that I may never overcome. I've become a tree hugger.

Iceland's lack of substantial forests also means that Iceland has had to get creative with Christmas trees. According to a summary of Icelandic yuletide traditions from the Icelandic embassy in Washington D.C, pine trees weren't always the norm:

Icelanders take their Christmas decorating very seriously. Everyone decorates. The most common decoration are Christmas trees which are almost universal in Iceland. The trees are decorated in similar manner to the United States, i.e. with lights, garland, ornaments etc. Live trees are still the norm although in recent years more and more people have been exchanging them for artificial ones. Before the use of pine trees as Christmas trees was introduced in Iceland in the 19th century, most Christmas trees were homemade. The pine tree gradually took over and became predominant in Iceland during World War II.

These days, like with most other commodities, Iceland relies on imports from Norway to supply the masses with Christmas trees. For nearly 60 years Iceland's official Christmas tree in Reykjavik's downtown Austurvöllur square has been donated by the good people of Oslo. Thanks Norway!

Since this is the first year my BF and I have ever lived in an adequately sized apartment suitable for Christmas decorations, I was pretty excited to get a real live Scandinavian tree. Despite the gloomy reports from the media that "due to the Kreppa imported trees won't be available" or "no one can afford a tree this year" we carried on anyway to Blómaval, Iceland's bigbox plant and flower store.

Contrary to the pessimistic media claims, Blómaval had plenty of trees and also swarms of shoppers competing for the healthiest, most symmetrical trees. The biggest shock to me was the number of actual native Icelandic trees to choose from. Granted the Icelandic trees were all the same variety of pine or spruce (sorry.. I'm not an arboriculturalist) but they were ICELANDIC CHRISTMAS TREES. They're not as dense or aromatic as the trees I was accustomed to growing up in Wisconsin, but I was impressed nonetheless! (Where did they come from? How many Christmas tree farms exist here?) While the Icelandic trees drop their needles sooner than the Norwegian trees, I was told they smell nicer. So going along with the 'Áfram Ísland!' consumer movement, we snatched up a nice little 150 cm native tree. As an added bonus, the store gave us a box of Icelandic 'konfekt' chocolates for buying Icelandic.

After we got the tree home, I started to think that maybe we had done something horrible because this one little chopped down tree represented an entire miniature forest sacrificed somewhere in East Iceland for our silly human decorating fetishes. Fortunately, I came to find out that some organizations are using Christmas Tree sales to boost the reforestation efforts so that for every tree sold, 30-40 can be planted in it's place. While the sale from our little Blómaval tree probably won't spawn other trees, at least we pitched in to the Icelandic economy. I can feel good about that since the economy needs as much help as the trees right now!

Really?

Last Friday I got an email from a concerned ex-colleague in California. He stumbled upon this article from The Press Association which depicts Icelanders as a desperate and thrifty lot who apparently have a penchant for disgusting meats and cheesy films:

Among the things now selling briskly in the capital Reykjavik are horse meat, second-hand clothing and used DVDs of "The Sound of Music."

Really?

Now, I know times are bad and they're progressively getting worse through 2010. Just today in the news it was announced that Iceland's unemployment rate is up to 5.4% whereas it was .8% in December 2007. We're looking at 10% unemployment in the worst case scenario by the end of 2009. Foreign workers are leaving in droves due to the poor employment prospects and a diminished currency. Young Icelanders, likely the only members of society without massive car or housing debts, are bailing out in search of greener pastures.

The fact is that I get quite a few concerned emails or comments from the folks back home and it doesn't help that the foreign press is blowing so much of Iceland's woes out of proportion.

Icelanders eating horses, sheep heads, lamb testicles, and slátur!
Icelanders so desperate that they're shopping at second hand stores!
Ex-bankers working in pre-schools and fish factories!
Icelanders escaping en masse to seek foreign jobs!
Mass hysteria in the streets! Violent protests!
Food running out in the stores!
Cannibalism is rampant!

Really?

Who are these reporters and have they ever set foot in Iceland?

Personally, I think that some Icelanders thought it would be hilarious to take the piss out of these foreign reporters by telling them some outrageous claims and then seeing if they were gullible enough to put it in print. It makes sense given the dark humor that Icelanders are famous for. I would probably do the same because I am a warped individual.

I don't personally know anyone who has purchased horse meat due to the recession or otherwise. Only one Icelander I know has actually ever tried horse meat, and he said it tasted nasty. (In the US, horse meat is only allocated for dog food as far as I know.) In fact, most Icelanders I know are in the Gen-X or Gen-Y crowds so they're not accustomed to eating the so-called "traditional" foods that their grandparents were maybe forced to survive on as youngsters. I've tried puffin and putrefied shark but that's where I, and many like me, draw the line. "Traditional" Icelandic foods still exist in stores mainly for the curiosity of tourists or for the occasional craving of an elderly Icelander. In other words, it would take a lot more than the Kreppa to get regular people to eat that kind of food again! Maybe another massive eruption of the Laki craters would do it? No, probably not.

It is true that Icelanders are shopping more wisely since the Kreppa began. There is also a campaign here called "Áfram Ísland!" (means roughly "Go Iceland!") which encourages consumers to choose Icelandic products over foreign competitors. However, I haven't seen many Icelanders in second-hand stores unless it's a "vintage" boutique that sells overpriced "gently-used" clothes to the hipster crowd. It's still considered embarassing for most Icelanders, with the exception of pensioners, to be seen shopping in a cheap store or hand-me-down store like Góði Hirðirinn (Iceland's 'Goodwill' store). The kind of crowds in those stores are still the same people you see on the public buses here: pensioners, students, and immigrants. And with 50% fewer immigrants residing here than this time last year, the selection is better for the rest of us!

There are still foreigners and young people in Iceland. Most of the foreigners who have left were likely Eastern Europeans who were associated to the construction or real estate sectors and had no family here. Currently, Iceland has around 11,000 foreigners living here as opposed to almost 20,000 in the summer. Many of the immigrants left here have put down roots or have family here. It's not so easy to pick up and move, even if that's the intent. Young Icelanders, the 18-24 year-olds polled who said they wanted to leave, will find that leaving is very difficult. Where will they find the money needed to relocate? What countries will employ them? Where will they find universities as affordable as Iceland? Chances are, most young Icelanders will just ride out the storm while enrolled in programs at Icelands' universities.

Traffic in the malls may be down and many Icelanders have cut back their travel overseas, but I've noticed that those effects of the the Kreppa combined with the weekly Saturday protests have had a positive effect on the vitality of downtown Reykjavík. I think Icelanders are re-discovering how nice it is to head downtown for a stroll along Laugarvegur and a trip to a coffee shop to chat with friends. The protesters (who are quite mild in my opinion) are freezing their butts off after standing outside Parliament in subzero temps so they head to a local cafe for a warm bite to eat and a cup of hot cocoa afterward. It's a Downtown Renaissance! People may start to wonder why they ever moved to the suburbs...

We still have food to eat and heat in our homes. The grocery store shelves are not bare, the food is just moderately inflated in price with the poor currency exchange. It's not like communist Soviet Union and bread lines. Seriously, we're eating plenty and even getting a bit pudgy.

No one is purchasing new cars anymore and car dealers are getting desperate, but we still have gas to fill the cars. It's "so 2007" to be seen driving a Range Rover (aka "Game Over"). And it's still considered uncool for Icelanders to ride the bus. Not much has changed there!

Daily life in Iceland still looks normal on the surface. Contrary to what my friends joke about back in the US, we're not living in igloos yet!

Nammidagur!

I don't usually post restaurant or bar reviews because, well, frankly I don't get out much. (Thank you Kreppa!!) This is probably a good opportunity to point out how very lame I am. It's not that I am opposed to going out and trying something new and exotic, it's just that I can't freakin' afford it as that poor immigrant that I am. Plus, I've had a few unfortunate culinary experiences in Iceland so those have sort of maybe tainted my overall attitude towards dining out here.

If you have loads of money to spend, you don't likely get as bothered when you're served sub-par cuisine or experience rude service. Actually, if you're one of the lucky few who are still loaded, then you probably aren't going to a restaurant where there's any chance of bad service or shitty food. However, if you're forced to be frugal and you only get to go out to a restaurant once or twice a month then the same experience is a painful letdown because you know you'll never get your 4,000 Krónar back again. It's so sad. It makes you want to drown your sorrows in some expensive beer.

Yesterday was a rare day as I ate out not once but TWICE in one day. Let me tell you, there was a huge difference in quality in my two gastronomic adventures. And, as everyone knows, customer service in Iceland is sometimes hit-or-miss.

LUNCH: Hressó, Austurstræti 20, 101 Reykjavík
First of all, if what I heard is true, the space that Hressó now occupies used to belong to a McDonald's. And from my observations of the food and service, it might as well still be a McDonald's. At least McDonald's is slightly cheaper. (Icelandic McD's used to be the most expensive McD's in the world in 2007)

A small group of us from the "Icelandic for Foreigners" program made plans to meet at Hressó Friday afternoon to chat and unwind after finals. Just coffee and munchies -- nothing fancy of course. Our waitress was in a similar mood as someone who just got teeth pulled at the dentist without Lidocaine or anesthesia. Asking for extra menus was enough to get the stink eye.

I ordered a croque monsieur, which is supposed to be a French 'grilled-cheese' style sandwich with gruyere and ham on the inside of two pieces of bread that brushed with egg, cream, and loads of butter and toasted to perfection. The last time I had a croque monsieur was at a French cafe in Palo Alto, CA and it was delicious. What was put in front of me at Hressó was definately not what I had in mind. I was looking at a two pieces of dry, cheap white bread (no doubt the 100 ISK kind from Bónus) with maybe one piece of cheese in the middle and some sort of mysterious sandwich meat. I think it also might have had some sort of mayonaise type sandwich spread on the inside. French fries came as a side dish and I was earnestly hoping that this would make up for the crappy sandwich. Not really. I was out 1,090 ISK for this plus the 350 for the coffee. Andskotin!!! And this is why most Icelanders cook their own dinners at home, kids.

Perhaps I need to lower my expectations with this Kreppa? Or maybe Hressó is more appropriate to eat at after getting drunk at the bars downtown?

DINNER: Indian Mango, Frakkastígur 2, 101 Reykjavík
Later that same day I was treated unexpectedly to a dinner at Indian Mango, which specializes in cuisine from the Goa region of India. (That actually means nothing to me as I've never actually been to India) It's also supposedly cheaper than it's competition, Austur India. My boyfriend treated me to this for my delayed-birthday celebration, since 2 weeks ago when my real birthday occured I was cramming for finals and he was sick.

The service was a slight improvement. Waitress #1 really didn't speak any Icelandic or even English but at least she didn't give the stink eye. When faced with questions about the food she went to fetch another lady, Waitress #2, who thankfully spoke English and knew a tad bit about the food.

We each order a variation of chicken curry, which were both delicious and adequately spiced though in rather small servings. When we noticed that our naan bread didn't come out with the food we had to wave down Waitress #2 to remind her to fetch it. She apologized -- saying the restaurant was really busy (it didn't seem all that busy, but whatever -- the garlic naan bread was awesome!) We topped off the meal with a cup of Masala Tea, the perfect warm, spicy beverage to prepare oneself for the bitter Icelandic cold that awaited us outside.

To be honest, I would have thought anything from this restaurant tasted delicious after Hressó! I was also absolutely starved for a little Indo-Asian cuisine since moving to Iceland. (You may recall my rant about "white people food" in a previous post.) Overall, I think I can overlook mediocre service if the food is really tasty (like Indian Mango), but if the service AND the food are both exceptionally shoddy (Hressó) then I think I'll take my poor immigrant ass somewhere else!

Shouldn't I be passed out drunk somewhere?

We in the "Icelandic for Foreigners" B.A. program just completed our final exam of the semester today. It was, as some of my peers called it, "The Bitch". The dreaded Málfræði (grammar) exam.

To be fair, it wasn't really that bad. Ironically, I probably did far better in this exam than in the so-called "easy" Conversation class. As long as one attended most Málfræði classes in a semi-conscious state, completed all assigned exercises, and attempted to memorize the dreaded declensions then I don't see the problem. Yes, Icelandic grammar is kind of a pain in the ass from a foreigner's viewpoint, but after years of working in a profession where I had to decipher cryptic data in Excel spreadsheets, I would say I have a knack for dealing with obtuse things. Bring it on! Icelandic grammar needs to be looked at as a puzzle. But not a game...games usually have those wacky things called "rules".

After completing the exam a few of us meandered over to Háskólatorg, the student center of campus, to decompress. We chatted about our holiday plans, the words we were sure we screwed up on the test, and what we planned to do this fine evening to celebrate the last exam. I was hoping to conjure up my second wind and have an adult beverage, but my body was screaming for a nap. (It's hard to be a college student after age 23...)

Several hours later, I discovered that many of us didn't observe the end of the semester in very exciting ways. I didn't achieve either of my aspirations of beer or nap. But I did three loads of laundry, mended some socks (an exciting new Kreppa activity), cooked, and cleaned. Woohoo! A trail of Facebook status comments between myself and a classmate at midnight revealed that we went about our celebrations in all the wrong ways. I especially like this comment from the classmate's Icelandic friend:

The day you finish exams is a day most commonly used for excessive drinking and/or excessive sleeping. These activities you describe are completely inappropriate.

That is today's nugget of wisdom that I wish to share with the world. I couldn't agree more. I know that to live the true college experience is to go drinking and have potentially embarassing photos taken of oneself. I'm from Wisconsin, the beer drinking capital of the US, so I am ashamed of myself and vow to make up for this lame behavior on Saturday. Besides, I'm overdue to make an ass of myself in public and my cell phone hasn't been used for a drunk dial in a quite a long time. ; ' )

Reaching for the stars....or maybe just 60%

The first time I went to college, back when the Thong Song was playing in the bars and gas cost $1.35, I was a PR major. Meaning that I didn't really have to study much. Was I partying every night, dancing my ass off to the "Thong Song" or "Back that ass up"? I wish. Nope, instead I got to write 10-20 page papers on a semi-regular basis. And my minor, French Studies, also added to the stack of weekly papers to write. Oh, and I worked 20-30 hours a week at a part-time job. I saw the writing assignments as the lesser of 2 evils. I find it easier to be actively busy doing or creating something instead of staring at a book and waiting for the words to cement as memories in the brain. Plus, writing is less challenging if you're born with the gift of bullshitting.

Fast forward, um..., a few years to 2008. Here I am staring at a book and hoping for a photographic memory. And then, after staring at the book for a while, I doze off. In my defense, I read somewhere that naps help improve memory.

The "Icelandic for Foreigners" classes at Háskóli Íslands are all largely exam-based so there's very little room for error. For all four of my classes in the first-year BA program, the final exams make up 80-100% of the final grade. (Andskotin!) The one ray of light here is that a grade of '6' (out of 10) is a passing grade. So as long as you're good at guessing and get a bit over half right you're golden. So my goal is "6+" for all classes. Go ahead, call me an underachiever. But before accusing me of anything, try learning Icelandic and maybe you'll empathize.

Speaking of achievement, it seems that there are varying levels of ability and motivation within the students of the program. I separate the students into 5 groups:

1) exchange students who are here just for fun, or because Iceland is such a random place to be
2) exchange students who have Icelandic parent(s) or Icelandic heritage (such as "West Icelanders" from Canada) and therefore have some prior backgroud in the language
3) exchange students who give a shit because they are going to be linguists, translators, or intend to complete the full 3-year BA
4) viking wives* who are fresh off the boat (i.e. lived here less than a year) and are in school because tuition is cheap, or they can't find a job yet, and/or they're trying to learn the language for their honey ; ' )
5) viking wives* (or miscellaneous foreign workers) who've lived here for years, already speak Icelandic, and don't really need to try hard in class much less even attend class

For the record, I fall into Group 4. I know several other people in my category. Group 4 students attend class judiciously (because it provides opportunities to get out of the house and socialize~) and usually complete all the given exercises in a timely fashion. However, Group 4 is ambivalent about grades because many in this group are committed to only one year of study and aren't interested in a BA or MA in this language. This is also the group feeling the most unmotivated to study due to the Kreppa, since they probably just moved here in 2008 and are already thinking "um was this a bad idea?"

Group 5, the most despised category by other groups, does not need to attend class or study. They simply need to show up to the exam and get an easy grade. Groups 1-4 often wonder why these people are in the first year classes when they are clearly already fluent. These are the people who are setting the expectations for professors and unfairly raising the bar for the beginners. There are actually exams in September to place people into 1st or 2nd year levels. Did they miss the memo?

Group 1 doesn't really care about classes or grades because....screw it they're in Iceland to paaaaaarrrrtttyyy! But naturally they'll get passing grades since they're only like 19 years old and therefore still able to process new information like children. I don't think there are many of these people -- it's too expensive to party in Reykjavík on a student budget ; ' ) Plus, Iceland's weather makes it easy to stay indoors on the couch with a cozy blanket and a book.

Groups 2 and 3, the more serious exchange students, are without a doubt the most "duglegur" and studious students. They're like the kids in your high school voted "most likely to succeed". It's not that this group is composed purely of supernerds, but they're the people who are most self-motivated. They didn't come to Iceland to be with significant others, they came on their own -- determined to learn a language largely unchanged for a thousand years or to reconnect with their roots. Brave souls they are!

TEST UPDATE: I'm proud to say I passed my "Conversation Practice" test with a '6'. Hell yeah! I didn't have high hopes for this class seeing as I speak Icelandic like a 2 year old and, of course, the professor is expecting the kind of fluid speech like from Group 5. The test for that class, consisting of various awkward dialogues with the professor or another student, felt like the longest 15 minutes of my life. I spent most the time fidgeting with my bottle bottle and blanking on words that I would otherwise know if I weren't put on the spot. It also helps to speak a foreign language when drunk, so in retrospect I probably should have added some Jamison to my morning coffee. I'm also anxiously awaiting results for 2 other classes and have my LAST exam in 2 days. Back to the books I go!

*"Viking wives" is a nickname for the foreign spouses of Icelanders. I'm not sure who came up with it, but I'll give credit to this writer at Iceland Review who wrote about the phenomenon. Since the article appeared, the nickname has stuck with me and my little group of friends.

Kreppa Ad Nauseam

I don't bother reading much in the Icelandic news these days because it's always about the same things day after day and frankly I've heard just about enough about the friggin' Kreppa already. (Oh, and I can't read much in Icelandic yet beyond a 1st grade level.) The same goes for Iceland Review. For a while there, the "Daily Life" posts seemed like a competition amongst staff writers and guest contributors to see who could write the most sappy metaphors and similes about the nation's downfall. But lately (thankfully), they seem to have started to infuse their creativity and sarcastic wit back into their op-ed journalism. Thank you Jonas, Eygló, Zoe, and Bjarni! (And Icelandic guest writer chic in London whatever-your-name-is)

The daily news bits remain depressing and redundant.

Yes, more job losses. Yes, more inflation. Yes, foreigners are fleeing the country (and I might be tempted to join them.) No, no one is taking responsibility. Yes, Brazilian bikini waxes are down. Yes, more store closures. Yes, everyone is pointing fingers. No, the corrupt bankers will never suffer any repercussions. No, Davið and Geir don't seem to be worried about their jobs. Yes, we finally got an IMF loan. Shit, the little working people have to pay back the IceSave deposits.

And it goes on and on ad nauseam.

Here is a list of words, in no particular order, that I wish not to see or hear about any time soon thank you very much:

1) Davið Oddson
2) Kreppa
3) Geir Haarde
4) Kaupthing
5) Glitnir
6) Landsbanki
7) IMF
8) vinnulaus (unemployed)
9) slátur (disgusting meat byproduct that supposedly we're all going to start eating like in old days...imagine "dog food")
10) Jón Ásgeir
11) Björgólfur Thor Björgólfsson
12) króna
13) IceSave
14) foreclosures (sorry, I see this more in US news but it still annoys me and makes the list)
15) Þetta reddast (Icelandic equivalent of "this too shall pass")

This is why I try to stay away from blogging about the downfall of the Icelandic economy and all the conspiracy theories surrounding it. (1) I'm not an economist. (2) I can't translate Icelandic news into English and therefore I can't tell the whole story. (3) There are already bloggers who can do what I can't in #2. (4) A lot of people besides me are sick of this stuff, want to hear only about solutions, and just want to move on already.

Mig langar kebab!!

I came back from Bar 22 two hours ago, where an Icelandic-for-Foreign-Students party was held. In those 2 hours since I've been home to sober up, I've consumed both a bag of microwave popcorn AND a B-movie on Skjár Einn. (Confession: I love B-movies and B-list actors.)

I feel bad about the popcorn. It's just such a letdown of an after-bar snack. Mind you, it's the 'butter' variety so it's not completely healthy, but I need something much worse. I want something greasy, fatty, semi-crunchy, and maybe cheesy. I've just described a platter of supreme nachos, which to my knowledge doesn't exist here in any capacity. We actually have Taco Bell in Iceland, but it would be a disgrace to the entire Latin community to call it Mexican food. (Please refer to my rant about "white people food" to better understand this.)

Since Taco Bell isn't an option and we don't have have a 24-hour truck stop restaurant here to indulge the munchies, I'm sort of out of options. Yeah, OK we have some shitty pizza joints downtown to grab an overpriced slice of pizza after hours. I'm just wondering why Reykjavik doesn't have street vendors like in London (& etc.) selling kebabs and chips. Someone at the party tonight mentioned kebabs and now I'm obsessed with having one. You have never truly experienced the sheer ecstasy of a well placed kebab until you've stumbled 6 km across the city on the way home from a club at 3:30 a.m. because you were too paranoid of the unlicensed taxi drivers. (Don't ask.)

All I'm saying is that Reykjavik should have a friggin' kebab stand downtown. Is that too much to ask? Am I expected to make my own kebabs now too?

Jeeeeezzzz

WHOA bad music alert!

Local TV channel Skjár Einn plays music videos to waste time in the dead hours of programming (10:15 - 16:15 and then again at around 4:00 in the morning). The program is called "Óstöðvandi Tónlist". It's basically a mixture of Top 40 music videos but it also airs some local artists' videos that get thrown in for a bit of nationalism. Needless to say, the quality of the songs range from stuff you'd actually consider downloading at the top end of the scale to pure shit at the lower end. I'm not really sure how often they update the videos because it's always the same stuff for weeks at a time. It's pretty typical of the low budget programming here.

Today I discovered a song at the very low end of the scale by a local Icelandic "rising pop star" BMV. (Not to be confused with rapper BMX or the much-despised American DMV.) The song in the video is called "Endlessly". It is endlessly painful. Only 11 year olds could like it. The video, apparently made after the Kreppa began and the singer's accounts frozen, looks like it was filmed and digitally cut by one of his 11 year old fans. But from what I could observe, before I turned the channel anyway, it seems the storyline is about a heartbroken lesbian. So at least BMV gets points for being progressive. But it only counts if people actually can stand to watch the video...

"White people food"

Bread, sugary cakes, Coke, & meat with thick gravy.

What do these things have in common?

Answer: It's what's for dinner in Iceland.

Not that I'm a super-dooper health nut or anything, but I've gotten to the point where I'm going to go on a murderous rampage the next time I have to eat another meat-and-potatoes meal. And I am soooooooooo sick of bread. Or basically any white, starchy food. Lately I've been dreaming of salad bars...mmm....green leafy vegetables, low-fat dressing, chickpeas, broccoli, arugula..... And I've also been begging my friends back in the states to FedEx me some good chinese takeout. (Specifically: black pepper chicken from Chef Liu's on Castro Street in Mountain View, CA. But I also won't turn down any sesame chicken from Hong Kong Cafe in Madison, WI either.)

Simply said, I'm struggling with the "white people food" diet here. (Although I am, myself, a white person.)

"White people food" follows a simple formula:

(1) some variety of meat

(2) potatoes - usually baked

(3) thick artery clogging sauce or gravy

(4) some sort of simple, sad, or not-quite-fresh vegetable on the side.

(5) sugary beverage, such as Coke or perhaps an Egils Malt & Appelsín. In the absense of sugary beverage, go for some Soda Stream water.

(6) sugary little cakes for dessert, or as a substitute for a meal*. Follow with coffee, and then more coffee.
*The sugary cakes can substitute for a proper meal when attending a birthday party or an awkward afternoon coffee-and-cake social gathering. The latter is common here - especially in December.

I say the vegetable offering is usually quite sad because here in Iceland, "fresh" means that you've maximum 2 days to eat the thing before it's dead and rotting. (This rings especially true for items purchase at Bónus or 10-11.) It some cases, the produce is already rotten at the store but it's still for sale -- and not even marked down! It also must be noted that "white people food" can be rather bland as the average white person (both in Iceland and abroad, typically older generations) can't handle those darned zesty spices.

Of course "white people food" isn't just an epidemic afflicting Iceland. It's also very common in other white-people-strongholds. Case in point: the American Midwest. I had to spend the first 18 years of my life in Wisconsin confined to this diet. In Wisconsin, a "salad" means a bowl of Iceburg lettuce smothered in gobs of Thousand Island dressing (so, more like a soup with bits of lettuce in it.) Or, a "salad" can be considered chunks of potatoes (with sometimes eggs or apples or other unfortunate things) smothered in a mustard/mayonaise concoction - OR - worse yet, a "salad" can consist of chunks of corn syrup-laden fruit cocktail from a can mixed with chunks of Jello or marshmellows or whipped cream. [BARF] And since I grew up on a dairy farm, naturally every meal had to include a big helping of red meat and potatoes or else -- I don't know -- we'd grow up to be thin and European looking. God forbid. Needless to say, after O.D.'ing on this carnivorous diet I embraced foods from different cultures with reckless abandon.

It's really hard to avoid the "white people food" here in Iceland. The first problem is the lack of ethnic restaurants and moreover the famous lack of affordability. In the states, it's usually fairly cost effective for a single person or couple to get takeout from the local Chinese or Thai place because the servings are so large that you can always expect to have leftovers for another meal. Plus, it's assumed that it's going to be much better than if you tried to make it yourself in your crappy rental kitchen. Most importantly, it's cheap. Here? Not so much. That's why average Icelanders are forced to cook most of their meals at home. (NOTE: Most people I know here are very skilled in the kitchen - even men!)

Furthermore, another issue is quality and diversity of food at the grocery stores. I've heard Iceland's selection of food has greatly increased over the last 10 years, but it's still challenging sometimes to find exact ingredients that are needed to cook something unique. Still, it's been comforting to find Thai, Indian, and Mexian food ingredients in many stores here -- even if its very limited and a bit steep in price. It's a sort of testiment of how immigration to Iceland has helped shaped this country's tastes. Many young Icelanders are emerging foodies who eschew their parents' and grandparents' taste in food. Boiled sheep heads anyone? No, that's for Grandpa...

OK I confess that I enjoy some sugary junk now and then. But sugary stuff loses its appeal if you're exposed to it EVERY SINGLE DAY. That's why I sort of cringe on the days that I have to spend on campus at University of Iceland. The assortment of food available at the student "cafes" more closely resembles the food you're likely to find at the gas station: pre-assembled sandwiches with scant veggies in plastic packaging, candy bars, kleinur (Icelandic twisted donuts), and sad-looking overpriced Iceburg lettuce salads in little plastic boxes.

As for the obsession with Coke, Iceland and Mexico have the HIGHEST PER CAPITA CONSUMPTION OF COCA COLA in the world. I'm not kidding. Surprisingly, I haven't met many people with bad teeth or diabetes here. (Are the fish oil pills realy that good?) I'm betting the soda consumption here will only rise with the Kreppa, as people are forced to trade down nicer evenings out for fast food. Hence more starchy, sugary foods and soda! Yay!

Unfortunately, I'm on campus today which means that in about 5 minutes I'm going to walk over to Háma (lame food shop in the student union) to grab -- you guessed it -- a Coke and a kleinur to give me a sugar boost for the exam I'll be taking in an hour. And if you're wondering why I'm blogging and not studying right now, that rationale will be provided in the next sarcasm-filled post.

Amusing article about car honking, one of my pet peeves

Nod to Slate. I love those irreverent articles. Slate is like the blog equivalent of a Seinfeld episode -- it's about nothing but it sucks you into its cult nonetheless.

I was ever so delighted to read this article about the very essence of car honking, which if you recall from a previous post annoys the hell out of me.