"Ice Ice Iceland"

SO.FREAKING.AWESOME.

The McCrisis of 2009

At a time when McDonald's is enjoying record profits in the US due to the recession, the Golden Arches are leaving Iceland. It's a McCrisis! (And definitely a sign of the Apocalypse)

Apparently, this country's financial problems are so f***ed up that even McDonald's -- an impenetrable fortress of saturated fats and easy profits -- cannot survive in this economic climate.

Uh, does this crisis constitute a bailout? Can Iceland get its IMF money now? What more does the IMF need for chrissakes? A sugar and Coca Cola collapse?

Believe me, this comes as a shock seeing as this is a country in love with fast food (and anything sugary or smothered in mayonnaise goo) -- it is often the only type of restaurant fare available in suburbs, small villages and along the infamous Ring Road. So, if you're a tourist you'd better love burgers and hot dogs -- unless you'd rather eat "traditional" cuisine like singed sheep heads. Yummy. If you want semi-healthy (albeit expensive) food, then stick to downtown Reykjavik.

On the flip side of this whole McDonald's crisis, health food proponents and pro-isolationists are rejoicing. Me? Frankly I don't give a damn. After I suffered a harrowing experience with an Icelandic Taco Bell last year, I've sworn off any American fast food chain on this island and therefore never got around to trying McDonald's. Plus, when I first moved here in 2008 (when the ISK was still strong against the USD), I couldn't justify a six dollar investment on something that would just leave me feeling more disappointed in myself as a human being.

And seriously, I didn't even know that Iceland had more than one McDonald's location until I read all the reports in the INTERNATIONAL media. (that tells you I'm a bad American.) The scariest thing is that this is the big news item of the day. But I'm very impressed with the creativity that went into some of the headlines. My favorite headlines are as follows:

The Consumerist: "Iceland Is So Messed Up McDonald's Is Giving Up And Going Home"
Telegraph (UK): "McDonald's frozen out of Iceland"

So WHY is this beacon of Americanization leaving little Iceland? It's the economy, stupid. Apparently, McDonald's has strict standards and procedures meaning that all the food is imported from abroad. Since the Krona plummeted in value in late 2008, that means all imports have become prohibitively expensive -- in some cases doubling in price. Also, McDonald's was only located in the suburbs here -- which misses out on the brand's target demographics: ghetto, tourists, and college students. According to reports, McDonald's could only remain in business if they were to raise the price of the BigMac to 750 ISK -- or a whopping $6.36.

Iceland ranked third in the Economist's 2009 Big Mac index, a creative tool that measures purchasing-power parity, after Norwary and Switzerland. Iceland was #1 in 2007 with the cost of the Big Mac at 509 ISK or $7.44. The Economist took that to mean the Krona was 131% overvalued. All along, the Big Mac was just trying to warn us about this overheating economic boom...and now Big Mac is going away. [sniff sniff]

Goodbye Ronald McDonald, you're being repatriated.

Icelandic Prisons...Overcrowded?

You know you live in a tiny country when media outlets report that the addition of NINE (9) suspects in lock-up constitutes a prison overcrowding crisis:

"Director of the State Prison Administration Páll Winkel said prison staff is exhausted with the constant increase in number of suspects in custody—in already crowded prisons—due to the current extensive investigation on human trafficking. Nine suspects are currently in custody, three of whom where sentenced to custody by the Reykjanes District Court yesterday. “It is a terrible situation,” Winkel told Fréttabladid. “This development is sudden and unforeseeable and the situation might continue to worsen.” Winkel said the only solution is to keep prisoners in custody at police stations if no action is taken..." (Iceland Review -- October 22, 2009)

If the prison officials think it's bad now, just wait until they start cracking down on all the white collar criminals that helped bankrupt this nation. Wait--this just in--apparently the infamous "out-vasion vikings" will NOT be prosecuted. Those individuals are either living comfortably in obscure nations outside of European jurisdiction or have been promoted to new executive positions.

If the overcrowding worsens, Iceland may have to do like England in the 18th and 19th centuries and ship its convicts to a penal colony on a remote island. Remote island? That sounds familiar... But isn't Iceland already one big debtors' prison?

Just how windy was it?

(Picture: courtesy of Fréttablaðið, October 9th, front page. These are really happy tourists, who are obviously pleased with their decision to save on airfare and visit this beautiful country in the off-season. Hopefully they lived to tell of their harrowing day of sightseeing.)

Finally, an Icelandic newspaper published a photo that I've been waiting for some time to post: a picture of tourists really enjoying the Icelandic weather.

This was from Friday, when we had a "storm" by Icelandic definition, but more likely a bit of a Category 1 hurricane by standard NOAA definition.

According to Iceland Review, the southwest area of the country was getting hit with winds of 39 meters per second (~87 mph) with gusts of 50 mps (111 mph). Going by the Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Wind Scale on the NOAA site (National Weather Service in the US), a Category 1 Hurricane is defined as:

Sustained winds 74-95 mph (64-82 kt or 119-153 km/hr). Damaging winds are expected. Some damage to building structures could occur, primarily to unanchored mobile homes (mainly pre-1994 construction). Some damage is likely to poorly constructed signs. Loose outdoor items will become projectiles, causing additional damage. Persons struck by windborne debris risk injury and possible death. Numerous large branches of healthy trees will snap. Some trees will be uprooted, especially where the ground is saturated. Many areas will experience power outages with some downed power poles. Hurricane Cindy (pdf) (2005, 75 mph winds at landfall in Louisiana) and Hurricane Gaston (2004, 75 mph winds at landfall in South Carolina) are examples of Category One hurricanes at landfall.

Someone told me that cars were being flipped over on the Westman Islands off the south coast, the worst-hit area of the country.

In the Reykjavik area, it was no Hurricane Katrina, but still exciting nonetheless. Life carried on as usual -- it just took a lot more effort. I decided not to be brave and walk to school; I instead begged rides off people with cars, which isn't hard because only loser foreigners like me don't have cars. What few meters I had to walk seemed to take all my strength to steady myself. Sometimes light poles or trees were my best friends. I'm no waif, but I was still getting swept off the sidewalk at times, even with my excessively heavy backpack. I resolved to eat more pizza and cheeseburgers to help anchor myself in situations like these in the future. And maybe look into buying some trekking poles (even though I make fun of people who use them...).

What bothered me the most, besides the presence of the Coast Guard on campus trying to prevent the Oktoberfest beer tent from floating away, was the fact that there were still a few bicycles parked outside the main building. Who bikes in a wind storm? That's the Viking spirit for you!

A Nice Dose of Daily Randomness

So here I am sitting in the new Eymundsson bookstore on Skólavörðastígur -- frothy mocha on the table next to my laptop, breast-feeding mum to my right (boobs...no biggie), and a wonderful view of the street in front of me.

Soon after, a store employee roles out a cart of Chardonnay (score!) -- apparently a book signing event is taking place by an Icelandic author I've never heard of promoting a book I'll likely never read. (Because it's written in Icelandic~) The store fills up with lovely, stylish people and I happily type away, oblivious to any ass-kissing bestowed upon the author. Tempted by this free wine, I walk over and help myself to a glass anyway. Life is good, even if the weather outside is crap.

And then, some sort of parade (or protest?) of 30 people marches up the street. It's around 6:00 on a Thursday. I wonder if there's some sort of significance to that. They have one drummer and a flag or banner of some sort. This is my WTF moment of the day.

Random: that's how Reykjavik rolls...

You know it's Kreppa when...

...you ask your loved-ones not for a steak dinner --but a dental exam -- as your birthday present.

It's Official

Everyone is pregnant. Not me (hooray!) but everyone else is right now. I swear to god. Big baby bumps everywhere. Bumps at the university, bumps in the grocery store, bumps bumps bumps. Something is in the water. I shall stop drinking tap water and consume only Coca Cola or beer for the next few months as a precaution.

Iceland is probably the only place in the world where the fertility rate actually RISES with a recession. The reasoning is beyond me, but if now is your perfect time to have a baby then I say go for it. I'm not going along with this trend for obvious reasons (no money, time, energy, or intention) but I'm happy for those who look forward to a visit from the stork. Iceland needs more future taxpayers for this "Iceslave" repayment anyway.

I'm not the first person in Iceland to remark on this phenomenon, but now that I personally know several pregnant people, it really blows my mind.